I’ve always been a fan of Vadim’s Barbarella, since I first saw it— Vadim’s definitely got a sense of style. (Maybe it’s that Euro-sensibility. I like it.)
The first thirty and last twenty minutes of Blood and Roses are great! Well-paced, yet mysterious, moody—a top-notch dream sequence, and unique narration kept it a cut above the rest. But I just couldn’t get into the film’s middle section.
Blood and Roses is a sexy incestuous body-switching vampiric possession flick, the spiritual-cinematic forefather of The Hunger, and other sexy-sad vampos, like Interview With a Vampire and, maybe, the Twilight flicks.
But these more romantic horror flicks really don’t grab me so much. They strike me as mopey—and encouraging of that sort of behavior, as well (“Hey you Goths, get those coffins off my lawn!”) So perhaps I couldn’t get into the more “emo” aspects of Blood & Roses—eh, such is life!
Acidemic Love Guru Erich Kurstein on Blood & Roses—a very recommended read HERE But after watching B&R, I figured I should watch some other Vadim flicks:
And whaddya know! I had one waiting for me: As a 2010 Xmas gift to myself, I bought some DVDs including the Roger Vadim-directed, but Gene Roddenberry (the creator of Star Trek—as if you didn’t know!) produced and written Pretty Maids All in a Row, and I’ll tell ya: I loved this twisted and Americanized French sex farce—it’s sexy, smart and has aged very well, in my opinion—and I know I’m in the minority— Not that the fashions aren’t still from way back when, it’s that the film’s often documentary style—especially in crowd scenes—keeps the movie lively.
And the plot is insane—every female student seems to be sleeping with “Tiger” McGraw, the guidance counselor—who’s married to the most beautiful woman in town—when hot students start showing up murdered—and in the midst is a very horny teen that Tiger takes under his wing…
Honestly, this movie may have been made “before its time,” and it’s too bad that it has been out of print and unavailable for so long. (And it sure as heck wouldn’t/couldn’t be made these days!)
Quirky, a tad kinky and tres risqué, Pretty Maids All in a Row would be great on a double bill with Lord Love a Duck, Pretty Poison or Brewster McCloud—just to give the reader a frame of reference.
Star Rock Hudson’s Don Juan/football coach/guidance counselor often seems like a grown-up version of the character Skipper Todd from The Todd Killings, but perhaps with slightly more drive. And insanity.
Pretty Maids All in a Row has a darn good script—well paced, and witty, with some corkers: “We never have football practice on the day of a murder.”
Rock Hudson’s secret homosexual life may add a few inadvertent gags to the flick, but the movie was already campy (French sex farce, people!), so that aspect of the actor’s personal life neither adds nor detracts.
Hudson’s good in his part, but perhaps because I’m only familiar with him via Seconds, Ice Station Zebra and Giant, I’m more forgiving than the moviegoers who were his fan base back then who seemed to have preferred his lighter fare—and who stayed away from Pretty Maids All in a Row in droves, leading to the flick’s financial failure and subsequent disappearance from the public eye.
Meanwhile, Telly Savalas is awesome as usual, Keenan Wynn and Roddy McDowell shouldn’t be ashamed of cashing their checks, and the chicks? Ay-yi-yi! Smokin’!
Yep, Pretty Maids All in a Row is a dirty old man movie often, but it’s a dirty old man who genuinely loves to look at (and film) pretty woman, and knows how to do it well.
The plethora of sexy, healthy genuine women in this movie is refreshing. I’m sure back in 1971, all this chicks were the supermodels of their day, and that was then. Compared to now, we’re talkin’ Earth-Mamas. And they’re all sofiiiiiiine! Honestly, I’ve never been the biggest fan of vampires— They get zero sympathy from me, the way they’re always brooding. So self-pitying. Ugh.
I think that is why I like Christopher Lee’s Count Dracula, though—he doesn’t speak much, and often is a feral beast.
Of course I dig Kate Beckinsdalek’s latex-clad vampira in Underworld—what’s not to like? But what’s that nonsense about drinking synthetic blood?
And I’m a fan of Coppola’s Dracula— Its Anti-Naturalism and style-overload really worked for me— and it was a love story that clicked as far as I was concerned: like many others, I had a crush on Winona Ryder, and Gary Oldman—SID VICIOUS, dude!— sold me on his centuries-long pining.
Ivanlandia much prefers werewolves—and we much prefer The Howling to An American Werewolf in London, actually. I like that The Howling, despite the horror movie references, plays it straightforward essentially.
Honestly, I do not like John Landis’ film. (And I am a big admirer of most of his other films.) The lead, David McNaughton, Mr. Dr. Pepper, bugged the heck out of me. Something about him really rubbed me the wrong way—he never sold me on the tragic side of his tale.
I do think the makeup is superb—Rick Baker rules—and the scenes with Griffin Dunne’s ghoul, as well as the nightmares were all good.
Lon Chaney Jr.’s Wolfman and Universal Studios’ other—and underutilized—Werewolf of London, as well as Ollie Reed’s white-furred beast from Hammer’s Curse of the Werewolf (based on the excellent novel The Werewolf of Paris by Guy Endore—very recommended!) are also faves, and I highly recommend Big Bad Wolf—I saw it on Netflix instant and it’s still there, and while it’s not a perfect film, it’s a damn decent B-movie, with some tasty gore and several nasty scenes, including the first on-screen werewolf rape (as far as I know, and no, I’m not looking it up). It’s a six-pack flick, just keep that in mind. (Meanwhile, the Benicio del Toro werewolf was a good design, with well-executed effects and decent gore—Rick Baker rules!—but the script was from hunger.)
The National Comix Vaults of Ivanlandia heartily approves of mayhem-packed kids entertainment--even when it's not intentionally made for kids! "Kit 'n' Kaboodle" certainly wasn't made for children: adults who never matured, sure. Kids? No.
If you didn't know, "K 'n' K" was originally published in the long-gone National Lampoon, a magazine some of you may have heard of... Enjoy! (And click on images to make bigger, if you didn't know that already...)
The Secret Life of Plants (1979) Netflix Instant has started featuring many films that have not been available for decades because of wacky legal hoo-ha-ness, like biker flick The Glory Stompers, or Ken Russell’s The Music Lovers, or Elia Kazan’s The Visitors.
Walon Green is also the co-screenwriter of The Wild Bunch, screenwriter of Friedkin’s Sorcerer and Robocop 2 (both of those flicks I like), and more lately producer/writer for the Law & Order: Criminal Intent TV franchise.
According to Wikipoopia, Green “is also notable for allowing a centipede to crawl over his face in the tunnel scene of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.”
However, The Secret Life of Plants is three (or more) moviesin one—but very poorly bolted together, in an almost haphazard fashion, with no real discernable style providing a through-line.
It’s like a movie made FOR stoners, BY stoners—showing incredible flashes of genius occasionally, with drawn-out moments of mediocrity. (Just like only right-winger like Nixon could open up China, only a straight-edge dude like Big Stan K. could come up with something as trippy as 2001.)
Here we’ve got:
Stevie Wonder is rowing a boat across a lake!
Bad actors are reenacting Russian science experiments chopping cabbage!
Exquisite time-lapse photography shows you a forest of grass churning the ground and sprouting in seconds!
Wide-angle lens aerial stock footage zooming over the desert canyons!
Hindus bathing in the Ganges!
Brilliant microscopic photography follows a fly through a minefield of Venus flytraps! (A genuinely suspenseful moment!)
A man hooks a plant to a lie detector and kills some brine shrimp!
Stevie Wonder sings about the indignities George Washington Carver suffered—while B&W photos of the scientist and inventor are flashed over “sing-along” style subtitled lyrics, all done in a very “Ye Olde Timee” font! (Yeah, I know: Huh?!?)
The Secret Life of Plants is an unholy mess (no wonder—no pun intended—this flick hasn’t been seen in YEARS!)— As such, it absolutely needs to be seen, if anything for the time-lapsed plant growth footage.
(And it does have an awesome Stevie Wonder soundtrack, with some help from George Harrison and others.)
As of Spring 2012:
Visit LERNER INTERNATIONAL for "the words": reviews, essays, criticisms, commentary and the like - 99% of which will be focused on film, movies, picture shows and the flicks.
More often than not, continuing explorations of The Cinema of Weirdness. More TK...
Visit The United Provinces of Ivanlandia for "the pix."
That was my original idea for the title of this blog, a sort of summation of nearly everything I'd ever wanted cinematically: regularly playing on the ABC Channel 7 4:30 movie--or on WOR-TV Channel 9's 4 O'Clock Movie--the greatest monster movie in the universe, and incredible combo of miniatures, men in suits and stop motion, with entire continents destroyed!
But then there was a coup d'etat, and Tzar Ivan I of Ivanlandia took charge.