Cook back in anger?

The Top Chef Recap last night was fun, a good clip show with lots of never-before-seen behind-the-scenes footage and turbulent memories--and the requisite amounts of goofball, but entertaining, BS.

Who was picked as fan favorite? Chef Fabio, who once threatened to hack off his broken finger if it interfered with his cooking.

(Additionally, Fabio has scored a gig as a pitchman for frozen pizza. Which is more important than the fact that he’s being given his own TV show. )

And what about Ivanlandia’s fave chef from this season, Carla?

“In my own little world, I will continue to cater. I really want to start a sweet and savory petite cooking line and have a chef's table where people can taste my food. I'm teaching a couple of classes in DC. I would love to do more TV. I look at myself and am amazed that I'm able to be myself in front of the camera. My personality seems to have radiated with people. The biggest joy I can get is to inspire people by being myself, so yes I would love to do more television.”

Ahhhh....Television...Everybody wants to be on it...

For more on Carla’s delicious cooking, go HERE.

Serious Eats doesn't give a recap of Top Chef this week. Probably because there was no real cooking going on.
But elsewhere on their site they link to how to make homemade corn dogs.

Mmmmmmmmm...corndogs...

However, you can get your Top Chef Recap recap HERE via Buddy TV.

Hey! Those aren't corn dogs! What? They're delicious? Welllll, I'll just try one...

Crash + Burn = ______ [fill in the blank] (or; cooking with Clint Eastwood quotes)

Ambassador PK of PCPlandia wrote to me earlier this week:

“I was reading about Carla on your blog and I freaked when I saw her pic. In August 2007, I went up to my friend's place on the Cape and they had hired her for a week as a chef. OMG, the food she cooked... I haven't tasted anything so good since. Just the coolest fusion of tastes and styles. I felt so guilty eating her meals 'cause they were so good. It was a mega-relaxed scene up there, everybody hung out by the pool and she was just cool as hell in general…Hope she wins. She deserves it.”

But as Clint Eastwood says in Unforgiven, “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.”


Regular visitors to The United Provinces of Ivanlandia know we’re supporters of Chef Carla on the Top Chef TV show, but last night, at the big finale of Season 5 (recap HERE at Serious Eats), Team Carla went down in flames.


Carla’s problem? Listening to and following the advice of her sous chef instead of creating her own meal. About half of what Carla cooked last night was somebody else’s idea, and that is a recipe for disaster, especially during a competition. I was shocked, shocked that Carla did this.

As Clint Eastwood says in Magnum Force, “You do something someone else’s way and you take your life in your hands.”

Well, that’s what Carla did and she paid the price. But we still love you, Chef! (There’s an interview with Carla HERE.)

And the rest of the show? At Serious Eats, commenter Brooke29 said it best: “Once it became clear that Carla was out of the running, I really didn't care who won.”


As Clint Eastwood says in High Plains Drifter, “I like chicken, fried.”

However, the location of the show was of total interest to those of us viewing from the secure bunker in Ivanlandia’s Section Zero: Top Chef’s finale took place at the rightfully world-renowned Commander’s Palace restaurant in New Orleans. It’s an exquisite dining experience, and it’s the last place where The Missus and I ate during our honeymoon in Nola. The Commander’s Palace is expensive, but totally worth it.

As Clint Eastwood says in The Gauntlet, “I got this badge, I got this gun, and I got the love of Jesus right here in my pretty green eyes.”

How to Speak Italian (sort of)

Last night on Top Chef, contestant Fabio got the boot. (Carla won, though, YAY!) The episode was tension-packed, edge-of-your-seat fun.

Fabio's been a fan fave, most likely because he's a handsome guy who talks with a thick Italian accent.

Here's a fun video about how to speak "Fake" Italian. Musician and engineer Steve Albini is describing the band Silkworm, but don't worry about that. I think I might start speaking fake Italian every time I answer the phone now.

"I'll chop it off, sear it on the flat-top, and tomorrow, I deal with nine fingers."

The title to this post is probably the best quote from Top Chef last night (recap here, at the always food-eriffic Serious Eats), closely followed by "This is Top Chef, not Top Pussy."


These were both declared by a chef who, after breaking his god-damn finger, did not punk out or whine, and proceeded to make a kick-ass meal.

It was an exciting episode last night, concentrating more on skill, methodology and execution rather than artificial “dramatics.”

The Missus and I are rooting for contestant Carla, though—Carla is a mutant in the best sense of the word: she’s eccentric, she’s centered, she’s unique, she’s got heart, she’s got style—and according to the judges, she can cook!

GO TEAM CARLA! YAY!


If you like food (cooking, eating or looking at it), Serious Eats is a wonderful way to spend several hours (days?), searching and sniffing about for recipes, recommendations and reviews.

In the space of about two minutes, I found two dishes that made me want to stay home, ignore the horrors of the world and just cook:
Pork Belly Sandwiches, Chinese-Style
Korean-Style Steaks with Spicy Cilantro Sauce

Yes, meat is murder. Delicious, juicy, protein-packed murder.
Mmmmmmm….murder.

Damn dirty APE!!!

Ichthyological Ingenuity

Last night's episode of Top Chef (I warned you I liked the show!) was about fish, a critter I really must learn to cook and eat more of.

The very recommended food site Serious Eats always has a good recap of Top Chef.

Say it fast, and Top Chef sounds like a Russian name: "Comrade Topchev, where is my lunch? Must I go out and hunt it myself? I will, you know, and when I get back, I will deal with you."

Sexy Padma Cthuhlu-Hands

Yeah, I watch Top Chef.
Soon, The United Provinces of Ivanlandia will be featuring some recipes. Really!






Seafood





There was a time we weren’t disassociatively disconnected from where our food comes from.