Beachy Keen! The Missing Illustrations for “Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘JAWS’”

This post is part of “The Best Hitchcock Films Hitchcock Never Made,” co-sponsored by Tales of the Easily Distracted and ClassicBecky’s Brain Food, both excellent sites and highly recommended:

To find out more about Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘JAWS’, go to LERNER INTERNATIONAL immediately!

“Alfred Hitchcock’s Jaws” is an essay about what would happen if, in the early-1970s, Alfred Hitchcock, the Master of Suspense, had been asked to direct the film adaptation of Peter Benchley’s best-seller, Jaws, instead of some… damn punk kid.

Then come back and enjoy the pix: they all relate to Jaws, and sharks, and cool blondes, and other Alfred Hitchcock films, . Y’know, the Ivanlandia usual.

Or better yet, open two windows on your computer—have The United Provinces of Ivanlandia on one—

And LERNER INTERNATIONAL on the other.

GO!!!

Ernest Borgnine Will NEVER Die! Long Live the Borgnine!

The Sexy Replicants Return, and say, "Follow LERNER INTERNATIONAL!"

Yep, I'm attempting to increase the traffic over to my other, more review-oriented site, LERNER INTERNATIONAL.
Increase the traffic via SEX.
(If it works for Madison Avenue, why not me?)

Once again, please visit, comment at, even "follow" LERNER INTERNATIONAL, where it's all about the writing!
Which means that The United Provinces of Ivanlandia is all about the visuals.
Speaking of which, ENJOY!

The “I”’s Have It! {An Exquisite Corpse of Subtitles and an excuse to promote LERNER INTERNATIONAL!}

Before we roll on with today’s Exquisite Corpse,

a very “I”-centric one—can anyone guess why I’ve included this pic of McGoohan in his most famous role, and why this scene from this episode? And why is it included as part of the introduction to this Exquisite Corpse (more accurately a collage, but I’m taking poetic license)?

A special prize of a DVD to the first correct response! (Haven’t figured out the DVD yet, we’ll discuss later…)—

And now…

The National Film Board of Ivanlandia would like to refer you all to

LERNER INTERNATIONAL,

our new review-centric brother site—which has tackled, among so many other things:

Prometheus (Dr. Shaw is the villain!),

looked back at Sam Peckinpah’s The Killer Elite (focusing on Burt Young, the shlub assassin with the soul of a poet) and pointed out the links between Ingmar Bergman’s Hour of the Wolf and Kubrick’s The Shining—and much, much more!

Currently LERNER INTERNATIONAL—go ahead and click the link, you know you want to; first one’s free, you won’t get hooked—is celebrating Sci-Fi June, looking at the films that intersect in the Venn Diagram of science fiction and The Cinema of Weirdness!

Martin Amis’ only script was a flop then and still DVD-MIA, but time has been kind to it; and it deserves another look;

Rollerball: the missed opportunities;

Monster Zero (constraints from genre mash-ups force the aliens to act stupid); and more!

With even more on the way!

For the future,

LERNER INTERNATIONAL will be conducting on-going explorations into that uncharted region we call The Cinema of Weirdness—

There’s plenty of ground to cover—your eyes and opinions would be useful!

On the drawing board are: Otto Preminger’s underrated proto-magical realism about feminist empowerment (Such Good Friends; 1971); Robert Ryan in the ultimate Man Against Nature Fight For Survival—originally in 3-D (Inferno; 1953); and “What If Jaws Was Directed By Alfred Hitchcock?”

(part of the “Best Hitchcock Movies (That Hitchcock Never Made)” blogathon run by the wonderful sites Classic Becky’s Brain Food and Tales of the Easily Distracted).

Don’t get left behind! Stay tuned!

LERNER INTERNATIONAL is a GO!

Okay, are you guys ready?